There is something missing and I don't understand.
I have been reading a blog written by an extremely creative and outspoken woman who is dying of cancer and has chosen to live her last two or so months just living and writing about her experience. I feel sorry for her but can't even think of the words to comment on her blog about any of her decisions as she ruminates on this end of her life. Her honesty and pain are expressed so well that my fingers are frozen and I cannot type one word to let her know I care - and I DO care. Neither can I stop reading what she is writing.
Another sad situation came my way today - not life-threatening (or maybe is really is!) but serious. My son-in-law has been fired from his employment selling tires. He has done his best for many years, working for a large company, and has had the use of a company car, filed all of his paperwork honestly and on time, and just can't understand this. He's not a young man, either, but was a conscientious and dedicated employee. My daughter called to tell me and I had no idea of what to say to give them comfort in this situation. She wanted to share their pain and predicament and, although I felt bad about their crisis, I didn't have the words they need to hear. This bothers me more than I can let them know with compassionate words.
I know me. I am NOT inconsiderate, mean, ungenerous or cruel. Why can't I express verbally how I really feel? It must be that I just don't have enough of the deep emotional understanding of others' feelings and problems and states of mind.
Now that I know they have such a problem I can think of things I should have said, but didn't!
I could have said, "I can understand why you would be upset under these circumstances," or "Anyone would find this difficult," or "Anyone would have felt the same way," or "Your reactions are totally normal."
Some people are talkers....others are listeners. My mom is the best listener in the world. I talk too much. She is my rock. Why? Because she listens. Just listens. Sometimes, that's all someone needs...just an ear that will hear. Most of the time, just an, "oh, I'm so sorry..." from my mom makes me feel so much better. She has no solutions....she just has a shoulder for me to cry on....and I will need that shoulder til I die.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your children know you, as I know my mom. They know you are not a cold person who has no compassion. If that is what they thought, they wouldn't come to you with their problems. They just needed someone to listen.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. So many times when someone says something to me, I don't know what to say. I will think of something much later and hate myself for not thinking of it sooner. That's just being human. That's what's so nice about blogs and writing....you can think before you say anything at all, or don't say anything.
I think you are a wonderfully unique person and I am truly glad I met you on these blogs. Really. Hugs.
Aw.....Thank you. WHT didn't I just listen?????? I will definitely try harder to be a listener. You're so right - I'm a talker. I feel your common sense and also your hug! I also know my kids all love me but it hurts me a lot to hear of their troubles. I'm a talker - not a listener. How wise you are! I never even thought of that answer. xxoooooo
DeleteYes, ma'am, I see your reply....I started to say, "peek-a-boo, I see you..." feeling silly because it's 3:15....been sitting up with my son and I better go to bed soon!
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